"Um excuse me, my eyes are down here."

— My new character, Woman with Eyes for Nipples

"Excuse me, my eyes are down here."

— My new character, Woman with Nipple Eyes

"I think my leadership skills were most evident when I stepped up and threw the office a pizza party when the department head was out sick."

— Future job interview answer

i wish i could claim credit for this beautiful piece, but unfortunately, i cannot.

i wish i could claim credit for this beautiful piece, but unfortunately, i cannot.

(Source: retrosofa)